Erased
by xAppleDownx
Summary: Set in NM. When Edward left Bella in the forest, her will to live was erased completely. She became a shadow among the living. Now she takes matters into her own hands, hoping that he will return. Please read and review, will be updated often. Emotional.
1. Chapter 1

**AN - **

**I haven't written any fanfiction in years and frankly I've missed it greatly. I have been cathing up on my readong, though. Hopefully you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**I originally intended for this to be a oneshot but as I started writing it just became too long and I decided to split it into chapters instead. I will update once every few days. **

**Summary:**

**Set in NM. After Edward left Bella's spirit was erased and she spent months living life the best she could. But now, six months later she turns to desperate methods with one frail hope - that her love will return to her. It takes a lot to fool a vampire's mind, but if you're sneaky enough it can be done. **

**Disclaimer:**

**Owns nothing *sighs* **

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I was dead. Erased from the surface of the earth at the age of 18. That fateful day in the clearing, the day _he_ left me, my life as a human ended abruptly. My ability to feel emotions vanished completely and I became numb to the world. I lived life in a secure coat of a constant cover, my own secret hiding place in this big, empty world.

The only reason I kept going was Charlie. It was for him solely that I got up in the morning; it was for him that I went to school and came home in the afternoon to do my homework. My only reason for living had vanished from the surface of the earth and I was left alone, wandering aimlessly amongst the living as a soulless creature. Oh, he'd been so wrong. Back then the preservation of my oh-so-precious soul had been his number one priority but the moment he had gone, as had my soul. I had simply stopped caring about things. Even when my friends at school cut the bonds, I didn't care. I didn't even attempt to make up for the lost time. I made a new best friend instead; loneliness.

Six months had passed like this but to me it seemed like an eternity of nothingness. My once so vivid memories were gradually fading but my desire to be near him only grew. Once it had been enough to provoke an adrenaline rush to hear his voice, but now even that had subsided. A month had passed since I last heard his voice. But that hadn't lessened my need to hear it. By the hour I was getting more and more desperate.

And then one day during lunch it dawned upon me. It would no longer be enough to be stupid and reckless. I could trip in front of a school bus, or more likely a truck loaded with timber, and he still would not show. What I had to carry out, ought to be definite, certain and final. Even my dull human senses were able to put two and two together there. I stopped pushing the now cold potato around the plate and pushed the tray away from me. I quickly rose from my seat, the chair screeched on the floor causing all eyes in the cafeteria to turn in my direction. Ignoring them all, I strode determinedly out of the room.

The last classes of the day passed in a blur. I found my seat without a problem, dumped my bag and let my mind wander the instant the teacher started talking. After all these months of utter silence it wasn't just my fellow classmates that had learned to ignore me, the teachers had joined not long after. So I was grateful to be left alone with my thoughts and planning.

I had to do it soon I decided. But not too soon, that would only cause problems. It was only Tuesday after all; I could at least give myself until the weekend. Saturday, I decided. Towards the end of the last class most of the plan was finalized.

My life would end on Saturday, just four days from now. When the bell finally chimed its shill ring I jumped out of my seat and bolted out of the classroom before anyone could follow me. Not that they were likely to do so anyway.

On the way home I dropped by the groceries store to shop for some much needed things. I innocently added a new pack of razorblades. For Charlie.

I spent most of the afternoon cooking a gallant meal and Charlie was indeed surprised when he entered the house after a long day at work.

"Something smells delicious," he commented as he entered the kitchen, still wearing his work uniform.

"Hey dad," I greeted him with a genuine smile as I checked out the chief. All this time I had wondered why people considered him an authority, but looking at him now I understood why people saw Chief Swan as an important member of society. To me he had always been Charlie but now I noticed the Chief in him. Maybe it was because of the curious expression he wore on his face or the holster and gun that hung around his waist.

The gun! Everything was suddenly so clear to me and a huge smile spread across my face. I turned my attention back to the dish I was preparing and continued to cook as I hummed some long forgotten song.

Meanwhile I let my mind envision my plan for this Saturday clearly and precisely. I even set a time.  
_Please see this, _I urged in my mind, _please see what I've decided Alice.  
_I only concealed the most important part of the plan in the furthest, most unreachable corner of my mind.

As the evening wore on and turned into night, I climbed into bed and settled in for a dreamless sleep, the first in months. When I awoke at the chime of my alarm clock the following morning, I felt well rested and it must have affected my mood greatly. At least enough for Charlie to notice.

"Morning Bells," he greeted me as I descended from the stairs.

"Hey dad," I replied with a smile. I grabbed an empty bowl from one of the cupboards and filled it with cereal. I quickly ate it all, well aware of my father's eyes on me the entire time. Surely the growing appetite couldn't come as such a shock. After all, a person had to eat from time to time.

I rushed off for school and made it just in time. During English I even attempted to start a conversation with poor Angela who was so surprised when I addressed her, that she nearly fell off her seat.

"Sorry," she muttered under her breath as she settled back into her chair. "I just hadn't seen _that_ coming." She smiled weakly.

"That's totally understandable; I haven't been the most sociable person around lately, have I?" I soothed her, returning the smile.

"Honestly, no, you haven't Bella. But I'm truly glad to see you smile." Angela looked me deeply in the eyes, now smiling genuinely before she pulled me in for a hug. I quickly returned the gesture. We spent the rest of the class chatting lowly so that the teacher wouldn't notice but whenever he seemed to hear our low whispers, we'd shut up and let him continue. Never would he have thought the talking came from our table.

I sat with Angela, Ben, Mike and Eric at lunch and tried hard to engage in their lively conversation. But I couldn't help but notice the constant glances that pierced into my back. Especially coming from the table where Jessica and Lauren sat, shooting daggers at me with their eyes.

"Don't worry about Jessica, she'll come around," Eric offered as a comfort to me and I just smiled thankfully at him. "And it's no secret that Lauren never cared much." My smile immediately disappeared.

"Eric!" Angela hissed and he sent me an apologetic smile.

"Don't worry. I never really liked her either," I answered and thus ended that particular conversation.

Working at Newton's that afternoon wasn't half bad either. Mike and I shared a fragmented conversation once in a while and I almost enjoyed myself.

The good mood continued when I reached home. Charlie had ordered a pizza for us to share and I greedily ate my half. We then passed some time watching a rerun of an old Friends episode which had me laughing lightly all the way through.

Another sleepless night followed.

-

Thursday passed much like Wednesday and when Friday came I could feel myself in a delightful mood. Charlie was so perplexed that he stayed home in the morning, just to watch me eat my breakfast. At school I was so cheery that even the teachers noticed and for the first time in months I was asked to answer a question.

I spent the rest of the hours at school trying to make as much out of the time with my friends as possible. It would be a while before I saw them again, that much I knew for sure. At the end of the day I wished them all a good weekend and trotted off to my truck. The parking lot was crowded with students eager to get away from the school grounds. I, on the other hand, wasn't in that much of a hurry. Slowly but almost bouncingly I walked towards my much loved red Chevy which was parked between an old Ford and some other well worn truck.

The grey sky above released a growl followed by a few light raindrops. Quickly I put the last few feet between my truck behind me and I and got in. Forks may be my home, but I would never get used to the rain. The comfort of the dryness inside my car washed over me and I leaned back and let out a deep sigh. For a long moment I just sat there with my eyes closed, letting memories flood my mind. The hole in my chest stung and burned around the edges for the first time in days, but I didn't try to ignore it. Instead I welcomed it.

The pain was all I had left. The only reminder he had ever been real. With my eyes still closed I let my mind wander to the clearing in the woods behind Charlie's house. That was where I had died the first time and this was where I intended to go again.

_Alice look! _I called in my head. _He_ had once told me how Alice's visions worked, much like his own mind reading. She could tune away from the futures she didn't wish to see and I was certain that he had forbidden her to look at mine. But I also knew Alice. This was the kind of thing that would take her by surprise, the protective shield she had set up to keep my future from showing would falter and she'd see me in the clearing with Charlie's gun. I also felt fairly certain that she wouldn't allow herself to see the next thing I had planned.

Slowly I let go of the image in my head and reopened my eyes. There, right in front of me, plastered to the steering wheel was a tiny piece of paper. My breath caught in my throat.

_You promised,_ it read. Nothing more.

I quickly took it between my trembling fingers and tucked it into the breast pocket of my shirt. _He knew!_

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**I really hope this was alright. Please let me know in a review and I will send you a virtual cookie. **

**And don't worry. Bella's not suicidal, not really at least. **

**Will update soon**

**Review please. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry for the long wait. **

**Real life caught up on me. **

**Disclaimer - If I owned anything I wouldn't be working my butt off to feed myself now, would I? Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

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I had another nightmare that night. I was back the forest standing on the exact same spot I had six months ago, that day in September. And _he_, Edward stood in front of me as he had then. Only this time he was holding gun in his hands, pointed at me.

"Edward," I whispered but he just shook his head and took one step backwards as I stumbled towards him.

"Don't move, Bella. I could kill you," his velvet voice was so low and stained with pain and remorse and yet it sent shivers up and down my spine. The edges around the hole in my chest burned as I lunched forward, reaching out towards him. He stepped out of my way, and I landed head first on the cold, moist ground.

"Goodbye Bella," his voice was louder now, on the brink of shouting. In panic I looked up and to my horror I noticed that he was no longer pointing the gun at me but instead he was holding it to his temple.

"Please Edward. Don't leave, I can't live without you." Sobs coursed through my weak human body as I fought hard to collect all the strength I had so that I could stand again.

"You must. I want you to be human and that is only possible if I no longer exist." Then he pulled the trigger and everything evaporated into pure darkness.

-

I woke up screaming whilst trashing about under the covers. I rolled over and tried to stifle my screams in the pillow before Charlie would wake up. After a while I regained control of myself, only my heart was still galloping away inside my chest. Outside the early morning light snuck in through the curtains. The alarm clock by the bed read 7.30. Apparently it was later than I thought and granted the fact that it was Saturday Charlie would most likely already be out fishing with Harry Clearwater.

Renewed energy rushed through my veins and I jumped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My _human minute_ as Edward used to call it passed slowly but I enjoyed every moment of it. The hot water ran down my lean body as I massaged my strawberry and freesia shampoo into my hair. _For you and you only._

I dressed slowly, rummaging through my closet until I finally found what I had been looking for – a shopping bag that contained a few garments Alice had gotten for me once upon a time long ago. It contained a navy sleeve seam dress I had once considered to be way too revealing. But it was perfect for the occasion. I pulled it over my head and then went to examine myself it the mirror. It snuck closely to my slender shape with its high waist and round neck with pleated details. Perfect. I put on a pair of flats, then brushed my hair so it curled lightly then bounced down the stairs.

Charlie's gun and holster hang in its usual spot. With shaky hands I retrieved it, and then left the house without looking back.

-

The path I followed into the woods behind my father's house seemed unfamiliar to me. Surely it was rare that I walked here but when I was younger and visiting during the summer, I would often wander off into the woods to do some exploring. Now I was walking alone again, not compared to the last time when Edward had walked here with me towards my end. _Our end,_ I corrected myself. _This_ would be my end.

The path twisted and turned further into the darkness of the spring green forest. Everywhere trees were blooming and small birds flew among the trees, chirping delightfully. This truly was a new beginning in so many ways. I continued a bit further until I reached the small clearing I had been in just last night. I stopped short, gasping for air.

"You cannot falter now," I said out loud, quoting some movie I had long forgotten the name of.

On steady feet I walked forward until I reached the centre, there I carefully dropped to my knees. The ground was cool against my bare skin, but I didn't mind. It only reminded me of the feel of his skin. I sighed and for the first time I allowed myself to let go of the feelings that had been building up inside of me over the last few days. Hope sprung from my heart and a smile spread to my lips. Peace.

Slowly I raised my right hand and studied the gun. I knew nothing of brands and so but it looked alright to me. Carefully I raised it further so the cool tip tenderly touched my temple. One deep breath and calmness washed over me. I was ready.

"Bella, don't do this. Please." Utter silence, complete shock and hope. Then I stopped breathing, unable to grasp the reality of the situation. I had succeeded, his voice had come back to me after being absent for so long.

"Listen to me. Put. The gun. Down." But I didn't, knowing very well that he would be gone the second I obeyed his pleas.

"Please," he repeated, "don't do this to me. Please." His velvet voice was filled with horror, on the brink of hysteria. But no matter how much it pained me to hear him like that, I could not, would not, give up now. This had to come full circle.

The sudden feel of cold air on my skin made my senses stand on end. His luscious scent made my nostrils flare with lust, but I knew it was only my mind playing tricks on me. My eyes remained closed and I tightened my grip around the gun. My palm was sweaty and I had to use all my strength to guide a finger up to the trigger. I was ready.

"These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which, as they kiss, consume," I quoted Shakespeare in the calmest voice I could muster. A vague memory of a night spent in the company of Romeo and Juliet penetrated my mental shield. Death would be easy.

Just then something cool brushed against my lips and caught me completely off guard. For a moment my heart spluttered before it set off in a quick uneven rhythmical beat. My body went limb then.

A low muffled thud rang distantly in my mind, but I sensed nothing but the cool sensation against my lips. And then the coolness was gone. I gasped for air, cool fresh air filled my lungs, enabling me to speak once more.

"And thus with a kiss I die," I murmured as I made the final move to pull the trigger. But the gun was no longer in my hand.

"Open your eyes, love," the authority in his voice made the last remaining will succumb and I obeyed. My weak human memory had not done him justice. They had only merely been even remotely close. There was no doubt now. This was the real thing. He was _real._ My heart skipped a beat before it continued to pump hope through my veins and with it unfamiliar warmth that made my skin tinkle.

His angelic features were contracted in a grave mask, his golden eyes smoldering with emotion but only inches from my own piercing look. At that moment the hope had made its way to my brain, causing me to act without thinking. With the strength I could muster I threw myself at him, head first.

And then I fell, plummeting downwards into the darkness.

-

A soft tune of a once so familiar melody filled the air and called to me wordlessly. Slowly and gently I was pulled out of the darkness and into the light. Was I dead?

I blinked a few times before the rest of my senses realized it was time to wake up. I was still enclosed in semi-darkness, the only light source being the shifting light of a fireplace. As my eyes adjusted to the lightning I was able to take in my surroundings. I lay on a soft mattress covered in several blankets within a safe distance of the fireplace. My blue dress lay folded neatly next to the mattress and I was now wearing an oversize shirt along with a pair of too large sweat pants.

The song was still playing somewhere to my right but I was unable to distinguish the actual source. To get a better view, I tried to sit up only to realize how much my head hurt. And my left hand wasn't all that happy to support my weight. I groaned in pain.

The music abruptly stopped and before I was able to notice what was happening, I was lying down again only this time it was against my own free will. Two big, cold hands rested on my wrists, pinning me down into the mattress.

"Edward," I choked breathlessly. The light cast by the fireplace flickered across his beautiful face that carried an unreadable expression.

"You should rest," was all he replied, then he let go of me and rose at a human pace.

But resting was most definitely out of the question, at least for the moment. Despite my soreness I sat up again. Everything started spinning feverishly and it took all my power to regain sight.

"Please," my voice was weak and trembling and maybe just because of that he stopped and turned to me. I now saw the pain I had inflicted on him by forcing him back. Dark ringlets had formed under his eyes, I noticed much to my momentary pleasure, and his clothes looked like they had been worn for weeks on end.

"Am I dead?" I asked numbly, "or am I only dreaming?"

"In many ways I wish you were dreaming," he replied coolly, his voice hard. And still the mere sound of it sent waves of emotion through me. I was caught by the torrent, thrown from side to side in my own emotional ocean as I tried to regain focus. My entire being was centered on this one person, my own personal angel who had so gallantly rejected me and tossed me away like a rag doll and yet all inside me itched to feel his touch. I realized then that I had never felt anger towards him and I doubted I ever could. My love for him blinded any sensible emotions.

"Please don't leave," I begged as tears filled my eyes. I couldn't bear to have him leave again, to feel the empty void inside of my spread to my mind and cloud it again. I had finally broken free and it felt like I was breathing rightfully for the first time in months.

Edward was already standing, his back turned to me. As the words escaped my lips I noticed him tense, his jaw locked and his fists clenched. After what seemed to be an eternity he slowly turned and faced me.

"Do you really think I would just leave you here, alone and hurt?" His inning question burned through my shield and pierced my heart.

"You already left me once, why would this time be any different?" I was utterly shocked by my own words and the effect they had on me. I started trembling uncontrollably and I whimpered unwillingly. My heart beat so fast and almost threatened to burst through my ribcage. Breathing became harder and I had to gasp for air. The room became blurry and I felt myself falling back into the darkness from which I had come.

Cool hands lightly grabbed me and pulled me back, away from the darkness and back into the light. My breathing immediately eased and I found myself stifling a second round of sobs. The trembling subsided and I regained control of myself. But I couldn't open my eyes just yet out of fear that he would disappear.

His cold hands moved over my skin, tossing me about as a feather. Soon I found myself resting against his stone hard chest with his fingers lingering on my face.

"Do you not know me at all? Why would I let you take your own life?" Anger could no longer be traced in his beautiful voice and I felt myself let out a sigh of relief.

Slowly I reopened my eyes, now fully back in control, and gazed at him carefully. My frail body was still covered by the massive amount of blankets, but my head was now leaning on his chest as he supported my weight with one arm wrapped gently around my waist.

"What's my life to you anyway?" I asked, immediately regretting each word and it passed my lips. The topaz eyes changed colour, became dark and stained with pain. Embarrassed by my own statement, I tried to pry away my face, but his fingers locked under my chin and forced my face upwards so that our eyes met instantly.

"Everything," was his only answer and he spoke it with such honesty that the events of the last six months seemed to slip away, if only for a moment. Slowly it felt like the hole in my chest was being glued back together, mended as if it had never really existed in the first place.

His cold finger traced a long line alongside my marked jaw line, setting fire to my skin wherever he touched.

"I think we need to talk," and to this I nodded.

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**Please review, constructive critism appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!**

**Here's my treat for you. A bit of lime might occur in this, to prepare yourself. **

**And sorry for the slow updates, real life caught up on me. **

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Edward gently scooped me up in his arms, making sure I was still securely wrapped in the blankets. For a moment I feared the nausea and dizziness from earlier would return but nothing came over me with the gentle, yet swift movements Edward's vampire grace provided him with. I leaned my head against his chest and rested there, enjoying what little time we might have left.

Of course the moment was over within second as I was gently placed on a couch with several pillows propped under my head to help me get comfortable. Edward quickly let go of me and seated himself on the furthest edge of the couch. For a long while we just sat there, both too embarrassed to speak. His hands lay lifelessly in his lap and he seemed so at peace with himself compared to me – I was fidgeting around, desperately attempting to get comfortable.

"Why did you leave me?"

"How could you even consider taking your own life?"

Our questions were equally heavy and no simply answer could be given to either. Silence reigned for a long time as I searched my mind for a believable answer. The only problem was, I wasn't certain I even had one.

"Ladies first," Edward finally said, leaving me as astounded as ever. Surely it was likely for him to be a gentleman but in a situation like this it was also the most inappropriate answer he could have given me.

"I don't think I ever intended to actually pull the trigger, I just needed answers," was all I could manage.

"Would you care to elaborate on that?" I sighed deeply and prepared for my doom. What I was about to say would hurt him beyond imaginable, it would cause him to blame himself for my misery. Just because I was a weak human who wasn't able to move on from a lost love.

"When you left me in the forest that day, Edward, you erased me," I could hear him breathe deeply but I refused to look at him, knowing that his pained expression would only make me stop. But I needed to get it off my chest.

"I know you wanted me to move on and throw myself at Mike Newton, but I'm weak, Edward, weaker than any other human. I just can't function without you. I grew numb to everything around me, for months I stayed out of everybody's way and soon they stayed out of mine. The only time I let myself feel anything was in the dark hours of night when I'd wake up screaming. I soon realized that I had been broken beyond repair," I took a short break to catch my breath. Then I continued:

"But truthfully I didn't mind the pain. It was the only reminder that you had ever been real as you so carefully stripped me off all other evidence. But the pain also gave me hope that one day you would return and the pain would vanish. But you never showed and I had to find other ways to keep you with me. So I broke my promise," Edward had stopped breathing altogether now.

"I found out that by breaking my promise to you, your voice would come to me. You would scold me whenever I was about to do something stupid or reckless. But that stopped, too and I slipped back into the darkness. That's when I decided there was only one solution." I stopped, holding my breath as I awaited his response.

"To take your own life?"

"I decided to, yes. Decided."

"Alice saw you," his words came out in a monotone voice but if he only knew what he had clarified for me, I doubted he would sound just like that.

My mood lightened tremendously when I realized what I had actually managed. To trick a vampire, who would have thought that could be possible? Especially for a human like me. I laughed heartily.

"I knew she would. And I also knew that you must have told her not to look for my future. But she was bound to see something this drastic and she was bound to call you. There was one thing she didn't see because I couldn't decide how to do it. But I never intended to carry out the plan," for the first time since I had started speaking I looked up and caught Edward staring at me. He quickly looked away. It stung a little.

"I just needed to hear your voice one last time; I needed to know that you were real. I can't live without you, Edward and if I'm meant to then I don't want to live at all. So I wanted to give you the one thing you always wanted from me," I kept staring at him as I spoke and slowly he turned his gaze back to me. The dimly lit room made it difficult to make out his facial expression but all that mattered in that moment was his presence.

"My blood," I finished, locking eyes with him one last time. Then I lay by head back and exposed my neck as much as possible. My heart spluttered and began to beat feverishly. My last moment was approaching, fast.

Memories flooded my mind then – each of them showing the Edward I had come to love with all my heart. Stolen glances in the school hallway, chaste kisses on the porch of my house before Charlie would yank the front door open and growl loudly, causing Edward and I to jump apart.

"Please," I whispered as another memory dulled my senses. Edward took my hand under the table in biology and held on to it throughout the entire lesson.

"Please, take it," I begged again as the Edward of my memories placed a gentle kiss on my neck right where my pulse was.

Something cool touched that exact same spot, causing me to gasp for air. My last breath.

But his lips only touched the spot lightly, and then he pulled away slowly and placed another fleeting kiss right below my ear. He continued this up my jaw line until finally his lips crashed with mine.

Just like that frenzy came over me. All the love I hadn't been able to feel and project onto anything for the past six months overwhelmed me instantly and I threw myself hungrily at him. My arms wound around his neck and my hands entwined themselves in his soft bronze hair.

This kiss was different from any other we had ever shared before. Hunger and lust ran through my veins and I felt every ounce of my body react to it. The oddity of our position seemed to come in the way and Edward gently pulled me closer to his chest. Every fiber in me screamed for more. I clung to him desperately, my arms losing their strength in the process but my raging hormones provided me with more emotional strength than I would have thought possible.

I let one of my hands drop from his hair and slide down to his muscled chest. There I placed it over his still heart and I could feel his muscles tense. With a gentle push I requested a change in position and Edward obeyed willingly. Slowly he leaned backwards, gently pulling me with him. Along the way I freed my legs and carefully straddled him as he pulled me further down and deeper into the heat of the kiss.

Never before had he let us get this far, always would he pull away before I even allowed my mind to wander further down that particular road. But this time everything was different.

At least I thought so.

Suddenly I could no longer feel his lips on mine. I cried out in remorse of the loss. But a short moment later his cool lips made contact with the soft skin at the hollow of my throat. I moaned in pleasure.

My hands knotted in his hair, pulling him back up to my lips, desperate for more. The pain that shot through my hand at this maneuver was dutifully ignored.

His lips crashed with mine again, just as eager as mine. I let go of all self-control and just plunged, head-first, into the kiss. Edward's hands rested on the small of my back, setting the skin underneath the cotton shirt on fire. I couldn't help but beg for more; and thus I tried to pull myself impossibly closer to his chest. Edward's respond was most welcome, one hand slid under the oversize shirt I was in and started tracing circles on my back. I shivered.

Once again longing for more, I unwound my fingers from his hair and instead started fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Being as uncoordinated as I was in my human form it proved to be more difficult than anything I had ever attempted before. I was about halfway through with the task before I lost all patience with the process. So instead I yanked at the shirt, tearing the last few buttons off. They fell to the ground, creating unnecessary noise which caused Edward to chuckle into my mouth.

Greedily my hands started roaming across his perfectly muscled chest and abdomen. Normally I would never consider myself one of those crazy, hormonal teenagers but this time I don't think I was considering anything. Instead I just let my body respond to all the raging hormones.

Our kisses were usually soft, lingering and subtle whereas this one was feverish, passionate and lustful. Obviously craving this as much as I Edward gently tucked at the shirt I was wearing. The blankets had long since gone missing. I quickly caught what he was asking for, so I arched my back slightly, giving his fingers access to the buttons.

Of course being a vampire had more benefits than being annoyingly beautiful, graceful and perfect in every other aspect – they also had their perks when it came to the removal of inconvenient clothing items. Gracefully and at an inhuman speed, Edward had successfully opened every single button of the shirt.

Great.

Impatiently, I closed the gap between our bodies and let the feel of his naked torso against my own skin overwhelm me. Only my bra set the final barrier.  
Our lips moved in perfect synchronization and my feeble fingers gently traced lingering patterns down his arms until they found their goal - the waistband of his jeans.

But before I had a chance to do anything, Edward had both of my wrists in a firm grip. Reluctantly he pulled them away and pinned them gently to my sides. I desperately attempted to keep kissing him, but the position I was now in made my mission impossible.

With a heavy sigh I pulled back, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. Always did he have to be a gentleman. Always. If he could just let go this one time.

For a long time I just sat there limply, catching my breath. Slowly rejection washed over me, causing tears to well up in my eyes. Edward was still lying on his back with me half on top of him, so I quickly crawled off and curled up, face turned away from him.

"Bella," he whispered softly, touching my exposed shoulder. The touch set my skin ablaze once more and I inwardly cursed myself for being so hormonal. I whimpered.

"Don't you want me?" there was a hint of hysteria in my voice as I begged for comprehension. I felt a light weight shift on the couch. Edward sat directly behind me now, his hand still lingering on my shoulder. His other hand moved to my now tear-stained face and slowly turned me towards him. Resistance was not even an option.

His eyes, topaz, burning liquid, held an intensity and warmth that edged its way deep into my soul.

"Don't you want me?" I repeated my voice shaky. Pain flickered across his face and I'm sure the same memory ran through our minds.

"Of course I want you, Bella. More than anything," he answered sincerely.

"More than my blood?" I just needed to know.

"A thousand times more than your blood," he replied immediately.

Afterwards silence reigned. His words echoed in my empty head, seeping into every cell of my body. These were the exact words I had longed so desperately to hear six months ago. Briefly the only bit of common sense left in my head reminded me of one word that had inflicted the worst pain anyone could have ever experienced.

"Then why did you leave?" I pressed on, not sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

"Because I love you," he answered simply, honesty filling his now warm eyes.

"But that doesn't make sense. It never did," I protested.

"Sometimes love doesn't make have to make sense. Anything I ever did was out of love for you."

"But,.." he interrupted me.

"Only now I understand how ruefully wrong I was this entire time. Ever since I first met you I was changed. I became the most selfish, insufferable creature alive, wanting nothing more but to spend every moment with you. I thought I could be human for you, but when you were endangered by my family I realized that we were worlds apart. So I decided that a clean break would be the best and that I could be strong enough to stay away from you if I knew you were safe and happy. I wished for you to have a long human life, hoped you would move on." He paused, interpreting my reaction to his explanation.

"But I didn't…" I sobbed. "I can't, I won't."

"I can see that now and honestly I'm glad. Please believe me when I say this Bella: I love you with all that I am, all that I was and all that I ever will be."

"But you said…" my voice cracked then.

"I lied, love, I lied. There was no other way that you would let me go," as the realization swept through me, another wave of hysteria rolled over me, causing me to shaky involuntarily. All this suffering had been for a lie.

A lie.

* * *

**Valentine's may be a joyous occation for some but for others, like me, it's just another Single's Awareness day. So help me lighten my mood by sending me some love (preferable in the form of reviews)**


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